Sharing bed with strangers is risky business

Partners by dozens endangers everyone, not only ONS players

 

I probably should have told everyone that I’m not really cut out to write a sex or relationship column. Most of what I write is from those weekly chick chats with my girlfriends over dinner, online or during the weekend catch-up. Considering most of my friends and most of their friends are currently experiencing the newly- single period of college, the topic of the last few weeks has gravitated towards “hooking up.”

“Hooking up” most commonly is used as slang for one-night stands – or ONS, as comedian Dane Cook calls them. And ONS are a direct effect of singledom. In this day and age, ONS are a regular Thursday through Sunday collegiate activity. What is a single girl most likely to do? Have a little fun and try on as many pairs of shoes that she can.

I know many of you have a problem accepting my cavalier tone, but let me explain. This is a campus where sex is as prevalent as … Gamecocks, not Tigers. So, most likely, students are participating in this Gamecockesque activity whether you, me or their grandparents disapprove.

In this environment when one sexually active couple decides to call it quits, those two people become separate ONS players.

And then one day the girl, lets call her Jane, wakes up only to realize her magical number has multiplied; she’s suddenly expecting a bundle of joy, and a very uncomfortable infection has found its way into her body. Strength in numbers does not apply to ONS.

On this Gamecock campus, where Jane has so many partners she cannot count them on two hands, precaution is a key word. Take that moment when Jane hears “Oh, crap the condom broke.” Mood killer? It’s a lot more than that. Even if the condom hadn’t broken, if you read the label, condoms are only about 84 to 94 percent effective as a method of birth control.

The pill? Not every college girl is on the pill, patch, ring or whatever, and that doesn’t protect against STDs. But I’m not here to offer that age-old abstinence solution. No. This is college, and, like I said, sex is like Gamecocks around here.

So, in the ONS, singledom period of college life, remember that elementary school lesson that you parents, teachers and “Kindergarten Cop” drilled into your head — never talk to strangers. Now that we are older, never sleep with strangers.

Maybe it seems a little obvious to some of you, but think about how many people go to parties and mixers, meet a nice young man or woman only to wake up the next day hung-over, in pain and trying to remember if his name is Oreo or Corey. Just to clarify, if you know little more than a name, last name or nationality, that’s not much better. You really don’t want to be like Keith Richards, or your life could be like a “Maury” episode complete with melodramatic paternity tests.

Keep in mind those strangers you are sleeping with were once someone else’s ONS, too. Where has Oreo been or better yet, who has Oreo been with? If we are all sexually active ONS players on this Gamecock campus, we are all in bed together. And just make sure you’re looking out for all the Gamecocks next time you get your ONS on.

 

(Originally written 3.1.2006)

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