Bottling feelings waste of time

Emotions at stake worth less than getting direct answer from the start

 

“I like you.”

Why is it that in relationships we can’t just say how we feel? Three simple words can be so hard to say.

Girls often cry because they can’t figure out if some guy really likes them. Guys pull away because girls float between wanting to be in a relationship and staying a party girl.

In this day and age when communication is getting faster and easier, why does miscommunication keep ransacking our emotional lives?

As a communication student, I get told in every class to make sure it is clear to the reader exactly what I am trying to say. In journalism we can’t beat around the bush to get to the big focus. “Hit the readers with it in the lede.” That’s what they say down at the J-school.

But for some reason this never carries over into my love life. Outside of the J-school, we call this “mixed signals.” Just because I chose journalism as my chosen profession doesn’t make me a mind reader, and the last time I checked, Ms. Cleo was a fraud. So in these already complicated and fragile relation-ships, we should stop treating each other like we know what the other is thinking.

Who would use three direct words when they could dance around those same words for three weeks?

“I like you” may be too hard to communicate, especially when something as delicate as your heart is on the line, but playing with someone else’s emotions is just as bad. Don’t hold back and wait for that perfect moment; there is never a perfect moment for something so complicated. A couple of days later, you’ve invested too much time into a question that could have been answered a few days earlier.

Whether you’re already dating him and you just want to ask how he feels, or you’re hoping that Mr. Mysterious feels the same way, waiting only makes things worse. In a few days, weeks or months you’ve missed the opportunity, and he’s moved on.

Maybe you think the other person gets it – everyone else does – but what might be obvious to you might be a little blurry to another. Just say what you mean.

Stop messing with her mind and come right out and say how you feel. It might not be what she wants to hear, but playing a game of Russian Roulette with her heart and head doesn’t bode well for the situation in the first place.

It might take a lot to put yourself out there, but sometimes taking that risk could lead to the relationship you’ve been looking for.

After all, you can’t get to the happy ending without the rocky “once upon a time.”

 

(Originally 9.14.2006)

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